Fire!
by MaliBiser
Summary: Imagine very random Naruto characters put together inside a burning building. How would each of them react? Read and find out, crack list, suggestions welcomed.


_**Disclaimer: **Nope, don't own Naruto or any of these characters, and after reading the following fic you'd think twice about owning them too._

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**Imagine random Naruto characters trapped inside a burning building. What would they do?**

Naruto would hold an inspiring speech about him being the future Hokage that can't possibly die yet. Then he'd try to put out the fire using Kage Bunshin no Jutsu only to crash into one of his own shadow clones and fall unconscious.

Sasuke would smirk on a sight of Naruto and would proceed to glare at the fire in a very cool and icy way (because he's just too cool to burn).

Sakura would get into a fierce cat-fight with Ino over who's gonna save/get saved by Sasuke first.

Chouji would be devouring his entire stash of potato chips, determined not to leave any of it to the fire.

Shikamaru would by now come up with at least 200 different ways of putting the fire out, but would find it too troublesome for him to handle alone.

Gaara would try to kill the fire but in the end, disappointed by the lack of blood, he'd simply close himself inside of a protective Sphere of Sand...

Kankuro would try to defend himself using his puppet, but the sad fact is – it's made of varnished wood. No happy ending there.

Temari would show more dignity then her face-painted brother. She would use her fan to blow the fire out of her way, straight on the unlucky person to her right (I leave that person's identity to you).

Haku would be laughing, light as a feather, because he's already dead and is about to get some company.

Shino would also be laughing, hysterically rolling all over the floor, because of the tickling his bugs would cause while desperately trying to escape his body.

Hinata would be fidgeting nervously, glancing at Naruto and Shino, not sure whom to help first.

Kiba would rant on and on about Naruto who always has to be a hero, well Kiba can be a hero too, the idiot's really not that cool, look at him sprawled on the floor, how could such a loser beat him in the Chunin preliminary, such a knucklehead and Hinata's still fluttering around him, not to mention he's…

Akamaru would be ignoring his pouting master completely, madly trying to dig his way out of the room.

Neji would contemplate the fickle Faith, hoping he'd live long enough to see Hinata and the rest of the main branch burn.

Tenten would spend her last minutes on this Earth on flashbacks that would reveal audience long hidden facts about her past or at least a surname.

Lee would try to fight the fire all by himself and would, of course, fail miserably. As a punishment he'd, depending on his current state of creativity, a) walk naked through the fire on his hands for about 200 times b) challenge Neji to the ultimate 'Genius vs. Failure' duel c) try to put the fire out using wind that would become as a result of his speed d) my imagination's leaving me, help.

Gai would praise the Youthful Flames of Youth and encourage Lee with the 'Nice Guy Pose' (because nothing encourages people quite like the 'Nice Guy Pose').

Iruka would bravely jump in front of the person most likely to get hurt first.

Ibiki would put on his scary face and interrogate people closest to him about the start of the fire and it's weak points.

Anko would join Chouji, only she'd be devouring dango.

Hiashi would compare Hinata's reactions to such a dangerous situation to Hanabi's.

Kurenai would disapprovingly glare at Hiashi's behaviour towards Hinata.

Konohamaru would sulk, sitting in the corner, thinking that something like this would never happen if his grandpa was still alive.

Ebisu would lecture Konohamaru, trying to make him befit his role of an Honourable Grandson.

Meanwhile, the Third Hokage would be placing bets along with all the other deceased Hokages over who's going to join them first.

Except for the Fourth Hokage, of course. He would try to get back to life so that he could sacrifice himself for everyone else once more.

Kakashi would rush to save his beloved „Icha Icha" from the flaming jaws of fire!

Tsunade would rush too, only she would rush to get her very flammable secret stash of sake out of the fire line.

Shizune would run after Tsunade, Tonton in her arms, partially to protect her Hokage and more then partially to find out where the Fifth Hokage's secret stash is.

Jiraiya would see this as the last chance to grope Tsunade and would soon be lying down next to Naruto.

Orochimaru would envy the fire's power and would immediately start working on a jutsu that would allow him to transform into a fire himself.

Kabuto would try to secretly cross to the fire's side, promising it to spy on Orochimaru for it.

Shikamaru's mom would nag Shikamaru for being too lazy to save her life.

Shikamaru's dad would stand together with Ino's and Chouji's fathers and recollect memories of the many fires they'd witnessed together over the years.

Izumo and Kotetsu would be working on a plan to get some of that sake from Tsunade's not-so-secret-anymore stash.

Kisame would consider putting the fire out using water clones but would conclude it'd be better to kidnap few flames and bring them back to the Leader for further observation.

Itachi would observe the flames and state that the fire wasn't even worthy to be put out by him, making the fire feel really bad about itself (avengerly too).

Zabuza would join Haku and enjoy the show, making rude yet humorous comments about his soon-to-be-fried murderer – Kakashi.

Asuma would spend all that time hiding in the background, innocently whistling a tune, hoping no one will connect his cigarettes with the 'incident'.

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**AN** - _Here it is. My first published fanfic. Although I'm not sure if I can even label it as a fanfic! Oh, well._

_This is just something that crossed my mind as I was doing the dishes. It's utterly stupid and utterly pointless and I absolutely LOVE it, hope you do to. I'd be more than happy to read some of your own ideas for this characters or the ones I haven't included (which leave you lots of dead people, pretty much all Akatsuki members and random Orochimaru's sidekicks), just put them in a review._

_Oh, and if you're worried about your favourite characters, don't be. You know Chuck Norris will show up in the end and save 'em, right?_

_Thanks for reading_


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